I've been divorced for a year, and my Ex is making my life and that of our kids miserable.  It seems like his sole purpose is to find ways to create chaos and stress.  We have a set custody schedule, and he is always trying to change it and blaming me.  He says I'm trying to sabotage him but he's the one who can't show up on time. When he does have the kids he bad-mouths me and tries to turn them against me. Now he is fighting his payments saying I make more money than him, which is ridiculous.  Lately he has been harassing me more than ever, calling and texting at all hours accusing me of things hiding money, having men in the house, and drinking.  I'm at the end of patience and starting to lose it. I'm thinking of moving out of state to separate from him, but not sure I can with our custody agreement.  Help!

The character assasination and legal threats are common with some men. My ex was quite talented. While we were married he had no issues with how our children were dressed, what kind of meals I cooked or my ability to parent. After he left I became an evil shrew with no maternal instinct.

His father passed away and he "invited" our youngest to fly with him to the funeral. He sent very specific emails about what attire I should make sure the child had. As if I had not had years of experience dressing the children for all sorts of occasions. By then though the ex was wearing $500 shoes and $2,000 suits so the kind of budget shopping I did was something to be looked down upon. And, that $800 a month he provided in child support was MORE than enough to "properly dress" our children or, so he said. He was busy trying to impress his high-brow girlfriend. I was busy raising his children. I paid no attention to him.

He would argue over whether or not the boys preferred waffles to pancakes. He took whatever opportunity he could find to slap me around. Jolie is right, you have to ignore them and stay busy living your life.

They eventually fade away and find someone else to target.

Cathy

It has been six years since I have been separated from my ex, divorced since Nov 2010.  My ex still tries to constantly change the rules, make up his own interpretations and new rules.  He takes me to court yearly, mostly to take more and more parenting time from me.  He took me to court last year to make a change to the divorce decree, now just last weekend thought he could change the court order back to the previous way the decree was written.  I stumbled, and sent off a much longer reply than I should have.   I follow the decree and guidelines set.  I will only communicate with him via email and only answer when I must. 

Hi Anne,

I am going through a high-conflict divorce and just picked up this book.  Thanks so much for the recommendation.