Rank: Newbie
Groups: Registered
Joined: 6/24/2014(UTC)
Posts: 8
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My husband wants this divorce, I don't. He's left the house, I'm here with three small children, no job, my family lives across the country. I'm so sad, alone and scared for the future. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to begin. I'm barely going the motions. What do I do next? How do I plan for the future when I can barely make it through a single day?
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Registered
Joined: 6/27/2014(UTC)
Posts: 4
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Hi Ashley,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You have every right to feel sad, scared and overwhelmed. How are you holding up? Do you have any friends in the area that you can lean on for emotional support? Do you feel comfortable sharing what has happened with a member of your family?
When I separated from my husband, I was living several states away from my family. It was frightening to wonder how I would care for my two children (my youngest was an infant at the time and I was a stay-at-home mom) and I worried constantly. My husband had done his best to isolate me from my friends and family. I felt completely alone. Although it was difficult (and embarrassing) to deal with the fact that my marriage was over, I eventually called on my family when I needed help the most. Fortunately, they were there to support me.
Your husband just left, so it may be difficult to make plans for the future when you are trying to understand what is going on. The best advice I could give you is to take it one day at a time, focus on your immediate needs and be kind to yourself. Did he leave you with enough resources to cover basic expenses for yourself and the children? If not, there are places you can turn to locally for help. There is no shame in asking for help in order to make sure your children are taken care of. Once your basic needs are taken care of, you can begin to focus on the larger issues (such as your next legal steps).
If you are feeling so sad that you feel like you cannot make it another day, please let someone know. You are not alone. Check in and let us know how you are doing.
Shanon
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Registered
Joined: 6/24/2014(UTC)
Posts: 8
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Shanon thank you so much for posting. I cannot even express how much it means to know that someone who knows what I am feeling is listening. My friends here are all "couple" friends and are shocked at my situation and keeping their distance. I haven't been able to focus on our financial needs but my husband is still taking care of the house, at least for now.
I was so nervous about telling my parents, I was expecting judgment but my mother was very supportive, and she is coming to stay with me and help. I am so grateful for this resource. It is the only place I feel like I can be open right now.
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Registered
Joined: 6/27/2014(UTC)
Posts: 4
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Hi Ashley,
You are welcome! I am happy I could help in some small way because I know you are going through a lot. I'm so glad your mom is coming to help out. It always helps me when I am able to talk to my mom about my problems. I also hope you will get a chance to just breathe and take some time out for yourself. Maybe your friends will come around, but I know people don't always react the way we expect them to. I have had friends bail on me when I needed them the most and it sucks. When I divorced, all of my "friends" at the time were the spouses of his friends, so you can imagine how that played out. Not much support there. I'm glad you have a place to vent where you know others can relate. I'm pulling for you.
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Rank: Member
Groups: Administrators, Registered Joined: 5/14/2014(UTC) Posts: 22  
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Hi Ashley, welcome to the DM forum. I'm sorry you've landed here but you will find the support you need with us.
May I ask how long your husband has been gone and how long you two have been married? I've been through something similar. My husband left one morning before church, he went out for a coke and never came back. It was shocking and the most painful experience of my life. We had two children and I had not worked in 14 years. Scary stuff!
I survived though and you will also. You and your children will be fine. You need to do as Shannon suggested and focus on what needs to be done today, take care of yourself physically and emotionally and be the best Mom you can be to your children. Take it a day at a time.
Cathy |
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