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Offline Newme  
#1 Posted : Sunday, October 5, 2014 5:36:26 PM(UTC)
Newme

Rank: Newbie

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Joined: 10/5/2014(UTC)
Posts: 3

Hello Everyone - I'm new to this forum. And, as a newbie, I can see how this initial post can come across as negative and, somewhat, ballsy. But please hear me out.

I know that we're here to encourage, empower and assist in each other's healing and growth. And while I am on board and fully in agreement, I am also, clearly, stuck on the following:

Has anyone out there found out that the "new and wonderful future" he /she left you to pursue, turned out not to be so wonderful? And, did discovering that their days weren't filled with wine and roses give you any sense of relief?

Again, don't mean to wallow in negative waters. I just wonder if not necessarily wishing happiness for your ex is universal or - just relegated to me and, perhaps, a few other saddened souls.

Thanks for your indulgence.

Edited by user Sunday, October 5, 2014 5:43:46 PM(UTC)  | Reason: missed words and misspellings

Offline Newme  
#2 Posted : Monday, October 6, 2014 2:58:05 PM(UTC)
Newme

Rank: Newbie

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Joined: 10/5/2014(UTC)
Posts: 3

Well, then it looks I am the only one who's ever felt like this. It feels lousy. Somehow, I thought I could find people here with whom I could talk it outSad
Offline Suzi  
#3 Posted : Wednesday, October 8, 2014 2:29:00 AM(UTC)
Suzi

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Joined: 6/8/2014(UTC)
Posts: 5

Hi Newme, no you are not alone!  There is a certain satisfaction seeing that the great life your ex thought he'd have without you well, just isn't so.  And even if you don't want him back, it is completely understandable to want him to want you back!  I don't think that is negative, I think that is just being human.

Offline Ashley  
#4 Posted : Wednesday, October 8, 2014 2:38:45 AM(UTC)
Ashley

Rank: Newbie

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Joined: 6/24/2014(UTC)
Posts: 8

Well, I don't wish my Ex every happiness either.  At least not yet, maybe I'll get there one day.  I hope he regrets leaving me and my kids and begs me to come back. At which point I will reject him.  I sound so bitter! And yet I don't feel bitter, at least not every day.  But frankly he has caused me so much heartache that while I don't want anything really bad to happen to him - he is the father of my kids and they need him - I don't want him to be happy either.  

Offline XdeRubicon  
#5 Posted : Monday, November 3, 2014 7:15:35 PM(UTC)
XdeRubicon

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Joined: 11/3/2014(UTC)
Posts: 8

NewMe,

 

My ex-wife's life is a complete disaster.  I have sole physical and legal custody our our children.  She's broke.  She's behind on her child support payments as well has her share of the other kid expenses.  She didn't get alimony and she's learned some hard lessons about the difference between our(my) lifestyle and her new lifestyle.  Most of our major assets were actually mine because they are pre-marital assets.  The cash she did get from the divorce got eaten up with her legal fees (custody fight and DUI defense) and her credit card debt.  Her (drunk) married boyfriend totaled her BMW (no collision insurance), putting both of them in the hospital (she was out on disablity for 3 months) and destroying her only major asset.  He has gone back to his family and moved away after getting his big promotion.  She lives alone in a small one bedroom apartment.  Our kids only spend the night with her when she's at her mother's, and grandma has moved out of state.   She's lost most of her friends.  The ones who aren't judgy about her losing custody or the DUI's don't trust her around their husbands.

 

All of the misfortune that you could wish on an ex and then some.  The problem is that her black cloud is hanging over my kid's mom.  What hurts her, hurts our kids.   Kids tend to take responisbility or worry for things that they shouldn't.  The only part of it that make me happy is her BF going back to his family.  It has made attending family events together easier on everyone to not have him there.  

Trust me, nobody leaves a happy marriage.  If your ex left, then you might have been happy, but he and the marrage weren't.   Own your part of it (you can't do anything about his part anymore) and wish him well.  It will help you and your children more than gloating over his continued unhappiness. 

 

OK.... you can gloat a litte bit.  You're only human, but let's not make a habit out of it.  

 

X

 

 

Offline kakakaoo  
#6 Posted : Friday, March 29, 2019 2:29:12 AM(UTC)
kakakaoo

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Joined: 3/29/2019(UTC)
Posts: 108

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