I need help, perspective... hope...


we been married for 6 years and have two little daughters (2y and 5y old ) last saturday (after a 2nd time caught in an emotional affair with a coworker who is completely aware he is married with children and just dont give a f** ) he confessed he was never really in love with me from the beginning, he did "the right thing" when i got pregnant because he loves me and cares about me, but he is not IN LOVE with me.

but first this is how all started:

last year i got an email from an anonymous person telling me about their unusual closeness, and the problem was they were planning a hiking and camping trip with other coworkers and she said she was looking forward to be alone with him. i kept that for myself a few days and tried to get "auto-invited" to that trip but he canceled last minute, when i told him i got my mom to watch the girls so i could go. that was my confirmation that he was looking for that "private" time as well. so i confronted him. he admitted he was flattered by her interest in him, but nothing did happened. he didn't wanted our marriage to end. so we agree to work on it.

there were a few times i knew they were talking again but he said was only work related and i knew she was with a new boyfriend so i calmed down and worked on my marriage, i did loose all the baby weight and started working a little bit more from home to make a bigger outcome and not feel like i am just a housewife, (we are awesome btw) maybe that way he would "see me"

we had 5 months of a good relationship again. we talk and laugh like best friends again , we have sex like 2-3times week and we smile to each other across the room all the time...bla bla bla. but there is no spark. he doesn't look into my eyes....ever. no hugging for no reason. no kissing spontaneously he rather stay home than going on a date with me and .... there is no affection at all. only sex and friendship. I tried. to show him the way... but nothing works.

but after years I tough that was the way he loved. because, .... how could he not love me? impossible,

well, 3weeks ago they started talking again and i found out some text messages with their flirting, by the messages i can tell they are not physical but they really reallly like each other.
i got sick, ended up for first time in urgent care for neuralgia . I was sleepless and my daughters starting to feel my low vibe....they were sad for "no reason"

I confronted him again. we talked a lot and then talked again and then last saturday talked again and he told me that maybe the reason is that he is never been "in love" with me.

I married him too because i was scared, i realize i ended up loving him the way i do only a few years later...and that was my hope, that he will meet me there someday. so.... i gathered all my strength and asked him to move out. he told me he didn't want to loose me, and that our daughters will suffer etc...

i care about my daughters but.... for that same reason i rather give them a damm good example...

we talked again yesterday, and i asked him again to move, because i want to heal. and i want him to find out what he wants from life.

but , we have serious financial issues right now, and loans... and my job can't support me at this moment..... we looked at solutions and couldn;t find a way out of this. so we agreed we will prepare everything to give ourselves a time off. but first we have to make sure to not make this more traumatic for our daughters. it will take us a few 5-6months to be ready and from now we will emulate time -sharing and all that. so the girls can start adjusting. because so far i am the one who is always in charge of them. and he needs to learn how to do real parenting.

it breaks my heart to do all this with a calm face for my daughters wellbeing.

the complicated part is this.

yesterday after we talked, we wiped our tears and ended up joking about how much we missed sex, and how broke we are that we can;'t even separate..and have a few more time living together so we decided to keep sex in the relationship because we both have needs ( i enjoy it a lot) and secretly I know i don;t have someone waiting for me and i know this girl is waiting for him to break free one day. so we ended up having sex last night.

but i know that is not love. and i really want to be in a loving relationship one day...

so i started today setting up more appointments so i can make enough money to move on with my life.... soon. very soon. as soon as i can.


i want to know if anyone out there can understand me... i really dont know what else to do. i know there is no way he will be "in love" overnight. that is why i am pursuing separation, so he can choose me or loose me. so i can recover my peace and my worth.... and also choose him or loose him as well.

but right now.... we are back to friendly, back to sex... the only difference is that now i know is over.

Edited by user Wednesday, May 18, 2016 4:29:34 AM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified