Hello
I have been in this relationship for 2 years now and have seen plus been through so much. This man is crazy in the fact that if I don'tdo things his way he makes it hard for me by with holding money, takes the kids somewhere for the day or brings home dinner for everyone but me. I moved out of our bedroom as the trust here is gone along with how he makes me feel. He gets mad & calls me names, even in front of my kids (which are from another marriage). He works for the phone company here so he has disconnected the phone & internet to get his way, tells the kids hes teaching me a lesson. He has made my life hell and has the kids convinced I am the one that doesn't want to make this work.
I am seeking any kind of a way out of this. I know my first step is to get a Job, which I have been doing then moving away? I know if I stay here he will make life more unbearable. I have 4 boys, 2 think he's a good person and 2 see him for who he really, a monster. If I leave, is the law on my side if I have to drag my kids to go with me?
Thank you!

Dear Shel

Your story could have been written by me. I too have four boys from a previous marriage, and my ex's emotionally abusive treatment of me & my kids was the same experience & so much more, I am sure you have experienced so much more than in this post too. I struggle every day to make sense of the situation & my love / hate feelings for him. But I know I deserve so much more than he was giving. The constant put downs, calling names, threats or he goes, no meals for me, no acknowledgement of my birthday or other special occasions with a gift or even a card, disconnect telephone, internet, to ensure limited contact with my family or friends as i moved interstate to be with him. He often referred to himself as 'God' or it was 'my way or the highway'. He withheld all forms of affection, moved out of the bedroom, and made my life hell

I agree with Cathy, you need to take yourself & your kids out of this toxic environment ASAP.

I spent over 12 years of my life trying to please him, to keep the peace, but I was never right about anything, never good enough for him. He destroyed my soul. He broke my spirit. He has wrecked my life, obliterated my financial future, & I am still dealing with the aftermath of this soul destroying experience, as I battle with my self-worth. My main concern right now is that one of my sons has severe depression from the experience, but is finally seeking help after he recently confided in me that he tried to commit suicide twice during my time with this person. Do not let this happen to you or your sons. The guilt I feel now as a mother is inexplicable, true I thought I was making a better life for us, but .....

Having been through this experience has taught me more life lessons, but the impact on us is forever with me, I doubt I will ever trust a man with my love again. Sad but true.

Keep strong, and look after your boys - get them away from his influence before they grow up to be just like him. He has no right to keep your boys, they are not his.