After 23 years of marriage and praying for what I needed to do to get my children out of an increasingly horrible situation.. I got a divorce. I never thought the vengeance from my Ex would take such a toll on my soul. Now I live everyday with a numbing hate...I hate because he refuses to pay any child support, no help at all. He quickly quit paying on my car when I left him and my car was repossessed, then he went out and bought himself a convertible corvette. My girls and I were homeless, by the grace of God friends and family were there for us the whole time. We were generously given a car and a place to live. That was such an enormous blessing. I got a job for the first time in 23 years, because I was a stay at home mom and I was so thankful for that.
I handled the divorce myself, paperwork, court everything. To my shock the judge believed every lie my Ex told...No Money, No job, ect. When the judge told me I would received $10 a month spousal support, yes I said $10!!! and $580 child support for two children that he never sees, I just sat in stunned silence. On top of that, I have never seen one dime of that child support or spousal support.
Now two years later, there has been no change, no support, he sees one of our daughters rarely. There is never weekends with dad, trips with dad, no holidays, nothing. I have been blessed with a place to live, I am in school and the greatest blessing is that I have my two girls all of the time. Although, deep down I hurt for them and for my situation. My oldest daughter is graduating and I bare all of the expense, yearbooks, gowns, pictures. Clothes for them, beauty supplies, everyone knows who have children the expense. In those moments I am so angry.
But what is the most devastating anger is when our youngest daughter and our son, who is 22 praise their dad. Dad can do no wrong. He is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It is very hard on my heart, especially that my son is old enough to understand and he seems to place any anger towards me. I never seem to do anything right. Even though I have only done everything I can to make everything better. It is a constant struggle.
I am trying to push this sadness, anger, bitterness out of my life because it just tears me up. Some days are harder than others, but I pray and give thanks for my blessings. I needed to put these thoughts some where so I placed them here. I will keep working on it. I know I have done the right things and that life will continue to get better but knowing I am not alone would help.
Thank you,
C