My ex and I have been separated for 7 years, we share two beautiful boys together; ages 7 and 8. I have always taken pride on being a very hands on mom with them and involving them in extra curricular activities and being involved in school functions, but lately I feel like despite my efforts I'm being defeated and failing.
My ex and I were young parents and we separated because he wasn't ready to grow up and I didn't see it as an option. Also, we were never in love, we were young and dumb. He was not a part of my boys lives when we first separated, it was several months later that he decided to pick them up occasionally, sporadically. We didn't have a schedule. He came and went as he pleased and I didn't fight with him. I just allowed it.
Once he got a girlfriend, he settled down more and wanted more, which was great for the boys and let's face it for me too. We all got a long decently, greeted each other, conversed casually at pick ups and drop offs and it was good. As their relationship got more serious, our co parenting relationship got less civil. Slowly we stopped talking about the kids, started arguing whenever there was a pick up and drop off and it just got to a point we never talked. The kids started coming up questioning me, accusing me, disrespecting me and relaying comments that were said to them by either his girlfriend or him. It continued and got worse this summer. I feel like I am defending myself to my children all the time, I feel like I can't keep up with being the bigger person, I'm starting to feel defeated.I went on a trip this past January to Mexico for 1 week. I told their dad, I made arrangements for the kids on my days and left emergency information and numbers and did all the necessary things a parent would do. As soon as I landed I received a very manipulative email that stated "I left the country without telling their dad and neglected my children and he wasn't sure if and when I was returning." It was written away that I just knew he got help writing it and was likely making up these lies to take me to court. I came home to again defend to my children "why I took a trip and left them" "if I had a sugar daddy pay for my trip" and many other ridiculous accusations. I genuinely don't understand what happen, how it happen or why to get to HERE. We got a long when we first separated and for years after. I am a great mom, I am a behavior therapist with autisitc kids for a living, I volunteer at the kids school on the parent board, assistant coach soccer, on the parent board for tae kwon do, etc. I don't know how one can hate someone so much or try to destroy them or turn their kids against them. How do I continue being the bigger person, how do I find more strength, How do I quit feeling so defensive to my kids and how do I find peace with 'this' and not having any control over it?

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Edited by user Wednesday, May 24, 2023 10:16:27 AM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified