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I've only had sex with my Ex - how do I do this?
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Offline Suzi  
#1 Posted : Sunday, June 8, 2014 3:11:48 AM(UTC)
Suzi

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I got married when I was 19, and my ex-husband was (and is) the only man I have ever had sex with.  I am 32 years old now and  2 years divorced and I have just started dating again.  I actually met a guy I really like and I know that he wants to have sex.  I am so nervous!  What do guys expect? Should I get waxed?  Will he expect me to do cetain stuff?   I am so unprepared, help!  I desperately need some sex guidance

Suzi
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Offline bella  
#2 Posted : Tuesday, June 10, 2014 2:42:03 PM(UTC)
bella

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Oh honey, the biggest thing is to just relax.  When I got back into the dating world, after a 14 yr marriage, I was nervous too.  If you stress about it, it will be worse.  If you drink, I highly suggest just a couple glasses of wine.  It helps a great deal.  The most important thing to keep in mind is that it takes time for two people to get to know each other's bodies.  Rarely is it like the movies on the first night. Yes, shave tidy up so you don't look like you stepped out of a 1970's Playboy,  but I have horrific memories of a full brazilian wax and will never do THAT again. lol   Maybe go into it with the attitude of learning what pleases him, long foreplay, and then whatever happens, happens.  There are a few things you know guys always like, then go from there.   Good luck! 
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Offline Suzi  
#3 Posted : Wednesday, June 11, 2014 2:20:30 AM(UTC)
Suzi

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Bella thanks so much for your advice. This new guy just asked me go away for the night to a romantic inn.  At first I said no, but then decided what the hell.  So we are going away next weekend.  I do like a glass of wine, and I definitely think that will help.  I bought some sexy underwear, not my ususal white Haines  When did I start wearing granny panties???  It acutally felt so good to buy them, even if I don't have the courage to wear them.  Honestly I don't think I have the pain tolerance to go Brazilian, but I did schedule a visit for a little waxing - two towns over so no one recognizes me. I'm so self-consious, like everyone will know what I'm up to!
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Offline bella  
#4 Posted : Wednesday, June 11, 2014 6:52:07 PM(UTC)
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OMG a night away!!! That sounds so awesome.  You are so funny.  I walk right into the sex toy shop here, but I  live in a fairly big city, too.  lol  My boyfriend lives in a tiny town and i swear he is related to half the people there, so I do understand. 

Just to make you feel better, once my boyfriend and I had been dating a while (we were friends for almost a year before)  he looked at me and said " Well, at least you don't look like a deer in headlights anymore." lol.  It can be so scary jumping in again! You are not alone.  On one of our first date's together at a hotel (he lives 7 hrs away) I took my laptop and we layed on the bed listening to songs we liked.  It was very sexy without being all sex. 

Have a great time!!
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Offline Sweet Cicily  
#5 Posted : Thursday, June 12, 2014 4:18:57 AM(UTC)
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Be safe and smart! Get a blood test and don' take anyone's word that they are "clean".. trust on this one. Have fun and enjoy your new found freedom!
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Offline Suzi  
#6 Posted : Thursday, June 12, 2014 11:35:39 PM(UTC)
Suzi

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Deer in headlights, too funny. I think that's my look too! Love the idea of relaxing to a movie, I will think of one...

Cicily that's good advice, I feel like I'm so new and naive to this dating and sex thing..
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Offline KatieBop  
#7 Posted : Monday, September 15, 2014 1:55:48 PM(UTC)
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I hope you've crossed this milestone by now.  If you haven't here's my advice...  

Turn your browser to "private mode" and go to an adult website or two and watch the stuff in the amateur section.  You will mostly see couples filming themselves, not professionals doing extreeme things.  What you'll see is expected these days.

Grooming down there?  Yes.  Guys expect it.  It's not permanent, so if you hate it, it grows out.  From the guys that I've dated, a lot of them have dead bedrooms in their past, so they want to know that you are into haveing sex.   It's important to them.  Grooming down there really only has one purpose, so it kind of lets them know that you are in the game so to speak.  I think in the end, what guys want more than any specific act is for their partner to be enthusiastic about being with them.  

Lingerie?  Yes.  Get rid of the granny panties and get some show underwear.  If you are not comfortable with it, wear it around the house for a couple of days.

Will they expect you to do stuff?  Yes they will.  They've seen a lot of movies.  Only do what you are comfortable with, but knowing what is expected will make the request less alarming and easier to say no if you are not ready.  

What if you are not ready?  Then don't.  Be open about it.  Any decent guy will understand.  If you are sorta ready, then stick to foreplay and focus mostly on you doing things to him if it is all kind of overwhelming to you.  It will give you a sense of control.  Don't worry about being good at it or performing like an adult film star.  Just be yourself.  Remember that sex is like pizza.  Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

Safe sex?  It's non negotiable and mandatory until you are BOTH exclusive and sure about STD status.  No excuses.

 
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Offline Suzi  
#8 Posted : Thursday, September 18, 2014 1:58:39 AM(UTC)
Suzi

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It feels like a lifetime ago since I first posted! Thank you KatieBop for your advice.  I did get waxed - ouch! But now I'm used to it and honestly it makes me feel sexier.  I've been dating this guy for about 3 months, and we've now spent a few nights away together.  The first time, I was soooo nervous.  I'm sure he actually could hear my heart it was thumping so loud.  But he was really sweet, didn't push me at all and made me feel so comfortable and we had a wonderful romantic time.  My ex and I were  so young when we got married, I don't think anyone can really understand romance at that age. Since then things have been great, and the sex leaves me speechless. I didn't know it could be like this!  There are some things that just get better with age  
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Offline Yandel Idbell  
#9 Posted : Saturday, July 25, 2015 10:34:50 AM(UTC)
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If you are ready to have sex mentally then you should get waxed.
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Offline Juliana  
#10 Posted : Tuesday, August 18, 2015 3:25:14 AM(UTC)
Juliana

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