I left.

12 years ago I left my now ex-husband and three kids. I moved out, and began the journey to divorce and co-parenting. I wanted it to be amicable - and it was, for the most part. I invited him and his family to gatherings at my new place. I threw a surprise birthday party for his 50th birthday. I hosted brunches for my dad with my kids and invited him to join us. I kept us all connected.....

But his family didn't reciprocate - and he didn't ask them to. I was excluded from my nephew's wedding (when all of the kids AND my foreign exchange student were invited) I was excluded from pretty much everything. Still I kept on.

Every Christmas Day he, after spending Christmas Eve with our kids and his family (where I was passively invited but actively unwelcomed if I went) would come to my home for Christmas day festivities. For the past several years he has brought his mom with him.

But he never arranged anything that included me. He never included me with things he did with the kids - family dinners or movie night or dinner with Grandma were all done without mom in tow. And now the kids are grown. Two live out of state and are coming home for Christmas.

I've met someone new and, oddly, they don't want to spend Christmas day with my ex.

And I'm done. I sort of feel like outside of weddings and funerals, I shouldn't have to see him again.

But my kids are expecting "TRADITION"

My daughter, upon learning that her dad wouldn't be at my table for Thanksgiving opted not to come home for Thanksgiving if "I'm just going to have to run from house to house to make everyone happy" (which she wouldn't - I made it perfectly clear that she was welcome to spend the holiday with whomever she chose)

The kids, now 23, 25 and 26, expect tradition. I want a fresh start. I can't travel at the holidays (which is what my parent's did when they wanted a change) because my 90 year old dad is here in town and he can't travel.

I don't want to blame their dad for this - although we had an email dustup that made me realize all the bending I was doing while he was blithely getting his way.... How do I do this? How do I end "TRADITION" in favor of "MOM"?

Help. Please.