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Joined: 5/24/2014(UTC) Posts: 2   Location: Tacoma
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I've filed for divorce already and things have become worse since filing. We had been in therapy separately and together for six months before I filed. There were psychiatric evaluations afterwhich we were told that he has narcissistic personality disorder. He poo-pooed that notion and refused to return to therapy. That is when I filed and that is what seems to have pushed him over the edge.
His hostility toward me is mind boggling. His refusal to settle our divorce is evidence, in my opinion that he will stop at nothing when it comes to punishing me for leaving him and refusing to continue living with his extreme selfishness. I was told by our therapist to "hire a good lawyer and get prepared because he will do everything in his power to destroy you." Those aren't easy words to hear!
This is what I think I need to do to protect myself. If I don't do something he could tie me up with legal issues for years. We have no children, own our home and two automobiles and basically have equal earnings and retirement plans. From what I understand from my attorney there is no possibility of him being awarded spousal support or a portion of my retirement but there could be a major battle over the equity (a large amount of money) that has built up in our home. A battle my attorney says could play out for as long as he wanted to drag it out. For that reason, I'm going to let him have it.
It's the only thing he can go after and if I freely give it to him that takes away any power he has over me, right?
Sandy
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Rank: Member
Groups: Administrators, Registered Joined: 5/14/2014(UTC) Posts: 22
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Hey Sandy, I think it is a smart move to make. If you take away any incentive he has to battle you financially that cuts off that avenue of abuse. Be warned though, these narcissist will find a way, one way or the other to keep you in their twisted game.
I suggest you change your email address, phone numbers, don't let him know the address of where you will be residing. In other words, cut all contact with him and methods of him being able to contact you. In his mind you will need to pay for leaving. Take away ALL avenues that lead him to you and then move on without looking back.
Good luck,
Cathy |
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 5/24/2014(UTC) Posts: 2 Location: Tacoma
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Thanks for your encouragement Cathy. I kind of frowned at the idea of changing all my contact information until this weekend. He showed his ass big time via email, text and even following me in his car. He is ANGRY and DETERMINED that I will follow his "rules" when it comes to our divorce.
Frankly, he is beginning to frighten me. How does someone who says, "I love you" reconcile treating you in such a way? The emails he sends are outrageous. He rants for several paragraphs about what a c*nt I am, how crazy I am and then he ends it with telling me he can't live without me, that his love for me is "undying."
I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow morning. Am hoping I can get some kind of restraining order based on the threatening texts, emails and stalking. You are right though, I somehow have to make myself disappear from his radar.
Sandy...aka
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 5/28/2014(UTC)
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You're lucky to be in the position to walk away from this with no further contact. Call it a parting gift and once the divorce is final, have no further contact. In the meantime - it does make sense to protect yourself as much as possible. Make sure only your close friends know where to find you - and be very careful of mutual acquaintances. Speak to your lawyer or your local domestic violence centre about having a safety plan in place. His escalation is disturbing.
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 6/14/2014(UTC) Posts: 3
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Going through divorce with a narcissist requires setting
very strong boundaries and getting together a solid support system of people who truly understand NPD.
Have as little contact as possible with him and expect him to ramp up his threats when you don't give
in to his demands.
It's exhausting and a having a highly skilled attorney is critical when dealing with NPD.
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 6/28/2014(UTC) Posts: 1
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I am presently at the very beginning stage of divorcing my narcissist husband. I have gone thru years of verbal abuse, he has called me every name under the sun (infront of our children their entire life) and this past Jan. I found out he was going to online single sites when he was away on business. When I confronted him with the evidence, he said that too was my fault!! The night our 1st son was born I saw a side of my husband I'd never seen before & he slowly declined over our 21 year marriage. Any advice from anyone who has already been thru a "D" with a narcissist, maybe bipolar husband??
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Rank: Member
Groups: Administrators, Registered Joined: 5/14/2014(UTC) Posts: 22
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Hi 2bboyz, It is hard to give specific advice without specific details. What are your concerns, how has he responded to you filing for divorce? I'm pasting two links below to articles about divorce and the narcissist that you will find helpful. If you think of some specific questions you have, start a new thread for yourself and I am happy to help.
http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/divorcing-a-narcissist-keep-your-expectations--low
http://divorcedmoms.com/blogs/travis-county-post/the-most-important-advice-i-received-during-my-divorce
My best,
Cathy |
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Joined: 7/27/2014(UTC)
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How do I move on from a man that continues to belittle, harass, and say terrible things about me to my two teenage daughters? I have been apart from my ex for 4 1/2 years. I still struggle with guilt, shame, sadness...you name it. He recently re-married (a friend I might add) and every day is still a battle for me. Why do I obsess about a relationship that was emotionally, verbally, mentally, and physically abusive?
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Joined: 8/14/2014(UTC) Posts: 2 
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Dear Andrea
I think of him everyday, my love/hate for him is very, very confusing for me, so I battle with my emotions on a daily basis. I have endured what feels like a lifetime of mental, emotional, verbal abuse, being belittled, all the varying dimensions of someone with NPD personality can do to someone they said they love. They use that word, but they do not understand the meaning of that word. It means nothing to them, except a means to control that person.
The scars on my heart will never heal, but hopefully my head will over rule my emotional roller coaster, to one day feel truly happy again. But trust is another thing. Life is complicated.
Your feelings are all quite normal to me, for someone who has experienced such trauma in their life. I hope you one day you will experience real love.
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